We are selling the RV (or "plans written in jello") and I'm a Grandma

We're fine, but it was a difficult decision to make. Originally we thought that we would travel with this RV for at least a good fifteen years or so, but some health issues have popped up for both of us that simply won't allow for this mode of travel...one is William's back. He hurt it in the fall of 2012 and it just hasn't been right since. He can still ride the motorcycle and his bicycle most of the time, but hooking up and unhooking the RV is something he cannot do anymore. Not going to write a list of maladies here, but those of us who are "older" will understand that some things you CAN do and some things you just CAN'T do anymore. For us, it's that simple. I think we were in denial for awhile. It's a hard pill to swallow because we've met some amazing RVers in their 70's and even late 80's who are still bopping around better than we are. 

We are still looking forward to travelling after the RV has sold, and hope to meet some of you at some point in time, but we will rent a condo on a beach(?), a cabin on a lake or in the woods or in an RV park(?), or stay in hotels/motels or whatever depending on where we are. We have new adventures to look forward to.  

We want to visit Florida and West Virginia again, see some areas of the east coast and the Blue Ridge Mountains, and Northern Michigan, maybe Minnesota and North and South Dakota and more...time will tell. We might even get an enclosed bike trailer to pull with this truck, or maybe a different truck if this one sells, and bring the bike and bicycles with us.

We spent the winter at home this year...brrrrr.  I became a Grandmother for the first time to granddaughter Layla, born in early November and to grandson Silas, born in early February. Lots of pics to come. Happy Nana here!

- Mary Ann

I have vivid dreams. What are yours like? Do you remember them?

When I am lucky enough to get some decent sleep, I dream. My dreams are usually in vivid color and sound, often with people I've never seen before, places I've never been and even understanding and sometimes speaking languages I don't speak, often revisiting some of the same places and people in dreams that I've had since I was a small child.

I've dreamed that way ever since I can remember. Anyway, for the past few weeks, I am creating jewelry designs and jewelry in my dreams. Sometimes I remember enough to scrawl them down in a notebook. Cool!

Now if I can only have the time, outside of family obligations, to actually make these things in real life. I'm thinking sometime in the next couple of months, since I haven't been able to for the past year and a half or so. That would make me really happy. That's my favorite part...the creating.

- Mary Ann

 

 

Folding Bicycles and "Biker" Bicycle

Back in May of 2012, I posted that we sold our old bicycles (click to see pics) but I didn't update about what we replaced them with, so...this is about our new bicycles and why we chose what we did at the time.

William loved his old "PeeWee Herman" bike, but it did have a LOT of miles on it....mine, not so much.  I didn't like mine at all.  It was too difficult to ride and steer because it just didn't work very well and it had been a quick, cheap garage sale replacement for a really nice bike that I had many years ago.

At the RV parks we have stayed at, we saw people happily riding some pretty nifty, lightweight folding bicycles, so we decided to check into it, thinking that they would be great for travelling with (they are) and easy to take to parks near home (the parks we occasionally like to ride our bikes at are actually between 20 and 70 miles away) and I really wanted something that would be much easier (and safer) to ride. The fact that these bikes can be folded easily and even carried in a large tote bag is a terrific feature, but we just haven't ever used them that way.

We searched online and eventually decided that we liked the Origin 8 bikes the best and it just so happened that a couple of them were available at a nearby bicycle shop. We didn't have a color choice, but we didn't care. Here they are: 

                                                                    William's bike

                                                                         My bike

 

These Origin 8 bicycles are really terrific.  I love the little basket on mine and it's so easy to just pop off and on if I want to take it into a store or whatever. We had cushier, bigger seats installed, too.

 

I still have mine, but another bike caught William's eye when he took his gold one into the bike shop for a tune up last spring. The Origin 8 bicycles are in high demand in this area and he was able to trade it in for the new "biker" bicycle even though he had put many miles on the gold one (I don't ride mine very often, but I'm hoping to feel more like doing so this summer). William likes to keeps things in excellent condition, so I'm sure that helped.  He really likes the bigger bike and it suits him better.  Here is his current Nirve bicycle:

 

 

Busy, busy, busy...

Been busy, busy, busy. Putting our beautiful RV up for sale. It was our dream to travel a lot, but health issues have popped up in both of us that will prevent us from doing so now. I'm really sad about it, It has very low miles on it and is like brand new or even better with the upgrades we did, like the buttersoft leather Lazyboy recliner loveseat, new very comfortable queen mattresses on two of the beds, had a satellite system installed, etc.

Oh well, life goes on and I hope we sell it soon. I've got my first two new grandbabies to spend time with (I've been busy babysitting, too!), and lots of jewelry making supplies to get busy on. I have a shop on Etsy, but I've had it in vacation mode for a long time. I'm hoping to re-open when I have my stock built up again and photos taken. It will be a while yet.

Is anyone shopping for a 39.6ft fifth-wheel toy hauler RV? It has a garage, three queen size beds, a full size loft bed with tv hook-up, 1 and 1/2 baths, a fireplace, three flat screen tvs, hook-up outside for a flat screen tv, inside/outside stereo system, fuel pump, etc., etc.

I'll post soon more about the RV and my new grandchildren with photos as soon as I get a little time to gather some photos for this blog.

About My Dad

Dad was 4 years old here in 1934

Dad at 22 years old

Dad at 81

 

My Dad passed away July 22, 2012 in his own bed as I held him and heard

his last breath and felt the very last beat of his heart with my hand on his chest. 

I am so very grateful for that experience. I miss him more than I ever thought I would.

 

I'm not writing this in order to garner sympathy or condolences. We all deal with loss

of family members and friends. Life and death, joy and sorrow are inevitable.   

 

I've been thinking about where and how to restart this blog and I decided that starting

pretty much where I left off was probably best. So... this is the update. Thanks for reading.

 

-Mary Ann

What the heck?! Is anyone else getting ERROR REPORT bX-hg9hg2 ???

I've been seeing this (see below) ERROR REPORT for months(?) now, but sometimes it's not here or it goes away on it's own as quickly as it came.  I use IE (Internet Explorer) which I prefer, mostly because that's what I'm used to.  Anyway, this pop-up is very annoying and has actually prevented me from posting the past two days or reading other's blogs. 

I'm only here now because I persistently kept refreshing the page and clicking on anything I thought might help. Still baffled.  I really don't want to use Chrome, but should I for Blogger? Suggestions, please?
-----------------------------------------------

Here it is copied and pasted:

We're sorry, but we were unable to complete your request.
When reporting this error to Blogger Support or on the Blogger Help Group, please:

• Describe what you were doing when you got this error.
• Provide the following error code.

bX-hg9hg2 This information will help us to track down your specific problem and fix it! We apologize for the inconvenience.

Baffled by Google+. How about you? (suggestions/advice welcome!)

It appears that Blogger and Google have made a lot of changes that I have not kept up with and now I'm completely lost.  Everything seems to be integrated now, which could be a good thing...or not. 

Google+ seems like a good idea and I think that I would like to learn to use it and incorporate it into this blog the way I've seen Rick and some others do, but honestly, I don't have a clue how to go about it.

Like I said in my last post, I have a lot of catching up to do. Please tell me if you like or don't like Google+....and why?  Thank you!

- Mary Ann

Hello all! I'm going to try to revive this blog.

Duh...tapping my fingers on the table...I'm not sure where to start this blog again after having been away for so long, but I'll try. 

I see that we still have 74 followers, so a big thank you to all of you who didn't stop following...and I hope that those people that we lost (certainly understandable, due to my own fault of non-posting) and even more people (as word gets out that I'm back to give it another try), will return to follow this blog again.

So much has happened since I last posted. I've been agonizing over where and how to start again, but I just don't know. It is something that I want to do, not that I feel obligated to do, so at least that is a good thing. Chronological order seems impossible after all this time, so I've decided to just go with the most important and/or biggest news from the past year or two and then randomly post about what is going on in our lives now and along with that formula, probably very random posts with photos of trips we've taken and events we've been to. (Sorry, no photos this post, but those of you that read this blog before will know that they are coming...yes indeed...LOL).

I'm glad to be back and even though I have come here sporadically to read the main blogs that I follow, I know that I have a lot of catching up to do!

- Mary Ann

This newfangled technology is pretty cool, but sure is difficult to try to keep up with! How about you?

So, we have Direct TV at home (satellite, one on the RV too, which is why we switched to it last year or so)...anyway, called them a few days ago (ask for their "retainment" center...actually with ANY cable, internet or phone or whatever...those are the people who will move mountains IF they want to keep you as a customer) because I thought the bill was way too high (it was) for what we were getting. Long story short, got a BIG chunk knocked off the bill without losing any services and they sent a couple guys out Wednesday to upgrade the receivers (for FREE) and the guys hooked up another little gizmo, can't remember what it's called now (SWIM?), but they told me and showed me that I can play the radio on the TV and SEE telephone calls!, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc., etc.,etc. Goodness gracious! Technology is moving along MUCH faster than my old brain can keep up with it!...but I'm giving it a good try! LOL! How about YOU?- Mary Ann

Sold our bicycles yesterday evening...

Took me longer to post the ad on Craigslist than it did to sell both bikes!  The phone was ringing within SECONDS of posting the ad (I think we didn't ask anywhere near enough for them, but my heart went to mush when I saw the college age kids that bought them for their regular transportation to get to work because they cannot afford cars or fuel in this f****** up economy...(makes me SO angry!)   William wants to buy a couple of folding bicycles to save on space (in the RV)....there ARE some really nice ones out there....I'm a bit skeptical, but definitely game....and my bike was difficult to ride.  William has had his Schwinn since the early 1970's and got a LOT of use out of it....and as you can see, it still looks (and rides) great.  Mine was a "whim" purchase a few years ago, but never "knocked my socks off"...and due to fairly recent health issues, I haven't ridden it much anyway (but, I WANT to).  Anyway...the bikes went to good homes for a song and we're both happy about it.  I'll post pictures of the new bikes when we get them (SOON).  
Meanwhile, Dad is still at home (thank God!)....and thank you all again for your kind thoughts, prayers and words.  I'll fill you in more, soon enough. - Mary Ann

Prayers have been answered. Dad is in his own bed.

Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts everyone.  Dad is resting at home with Lorraine (my wonderful stepmother) willingly and lovingly at his beck and call (and battling her own cancer, but in much better condition than Dad...they met a few years ago in a cancer treatment waiting room, he is 81, she's79...and he loves that she sincerely laughs at his corny jokes...believe me, they're not that easy to laugh at after the 150th time you hear them...hahaha!...on the other hand, they're so corny, you just can't help but laugh,...and the doctors and nurses love him!).  We (all of us "kids") call her Dad's "Angel".
He is very weak and on more morphine and other things, but in fairly good spirits and of course happy to be in his own bed.  We were all quite surprised, since we weren't supposed to hear any decisions until sometime Monday....but, if  we stop and think about it...maybe it's not such a surprise, but rather a kind gesture on the part of his doctors?....time will tell.

Still hoping for more time (along with my three siblings),
Mary Ann

P.S. - There are a couple of pics of Dad and Lorraine on my FB page...I don't have the patience to transfer them here right now.

Update: More readable? About my Dad and this blog...

To those of you who posted kind words regarding my Dad, and to those of you who read about it and thought kind thoughts without posting, THANK YOU straight from my heart!......I do that all the time (not post comments), even when I know I should say something but just can't bring myself to, because sometimes reading about the imminent or recent death or dire illness of someone else's loved one often brings thoughts of our own mortality and that of those we love and care for, too close to the surface for our own comfort...that's ok...I understand that all too well.  We all must deal with illness and death at various times during our lifetimes, and on top of that, more often than not, we are juggling all of the neccessary things and events of daily living at the same time.

Dear Blogger Pals, Please Pray for my Dad...

(copied from my FB page):

Many of us ask for prayers from time to time for various reasons, which I think is a good
thing....so now I'm asking all of you for prayers for my Dad. He is in the hospital
tonight...the cancer that is throughout his whole body is trying to take it's final toll. He's been fighting this like a warrior for years now, and he's still fighting an amazing and inspirational fight. He would of course rather be at home, so we're praying that he will gain enough strength and stabilization to do that. Right now, only God knows...but I am sure hoping and praying! I know that this is something that we all go through in life with our parents, so I certainly do appreciate your time for good thoughts for my Dad.
-Thank you, Mary Ann

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We're (I'm) still here reading all of your blogs (and not commenting, so sorry)....much has happened since I last posted, both good and bad (and some so bad that it's funny now), but I just haven't had it in me to participate here for along time...and I have never let go of the intention to get back to it...some of you I know will understand, some of you won't...I know that, which is why I hardly feel that I even have the right to ask for your prayers for my Dad....but, I'm doing it anyway, hoping for a miracle. I'll be back when I can. I feel like I've come to "know" many of you. Thank you for that.


P.S. - We are back in Michigan, no more Texas winters (ever, I think), Florida (Clermont area) next winter.

Lot's of catching up to do, eh?

P.P.S.- I'm having a heck of a time trying to post this so it's readable, I guess Blogger must have changed things again, so sorry until I figure it out.

What a great attitude! :-)

In a previous post, I said that I would share this note from my Dad with you.
Here it is...


Note from Dad - June 16, 2011:

I'm back from Dr. Worden's, and the news is not too good. The cancer has spread to a number of areas including both of my lungs and to my liver -- but I am feeling no pain except what I had already been experiencing in my right arm and in my two legs. I am coping with those pains by using Morphine and Norco, and I am enjoying life on a daily basis.

The blood work shows that my liver and other organs are working as normal, and the cancer that shows up in my lungs and in my liver is quite small. There is a lot more good liver than bad, and the portion of lungs that is affected is still small.

This news just makes me want to do more fun things faster -- like go to the casino more frequently, take an ocean cruise, get the book selling faster, and finish writing my sentence-diagramming book. I want to have everything set right for Lorraine so that she won't be left with a lot of unfinished projects. I am still very positive about everything, and I want to enjoy life with even more zest.

Instead of 115 years, I might have to back down to 113.

I'm tired and am going to take a nap right now.

Love Ya,

DAD

Blogger's Block?

Hello again everyone,

If there IS such a thing as Blogger's Block, I must say that I think I've had it for a very long time...since Texas anyway. When I get down in the dumps, I have a very bad habit of just clamming up and shutting out the rest of the world, except for those closest to me (and sometimes even them). Not healthy, I know, but that's what I do.

I had these ideas about what I was going to write about and when I was going to write it....but...well, all that fell apart when some things didn't go as planned, and I just didn't pull it together again, so I hope that you will please forgive me for my neglect and bad manners. I have been reading your blogs sometimes, but just haven't commented. Sorry.

I'm going to try to get back to it....a little at a time. Things will probably be somewhat jumbled for a while, at least chronologically.

Just off the top of my head, some of the things I want to write about:

My parent's health is not good. Dad's health seems to be the worst. I'll post a note here that he wrote recently, and I'll update on both of them soon.

I have a fantastic new camera that William bought for me just before we left Texas, but I have not used it yet. In fact, it's sadly still in the box. Don't worry, I'll get to it one of these days when the inspiration hits me. It's a Nikon D3100. (new tripod too!) :-)

I took up beading just before we left Texas, and I've been on a slow roll with it ever since then. It's relaxing and I really enjoy the creative process.

I really do care about what happens to all of you in my blogger "circle". Thanks for hanging in there with me (us).

- Mary Ann

Texas Chili Contest

(WARNING! Foul language)

If you can read this whole story without laughing
then there's no hope for you.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly.
If you pay attention to the first two judges,
the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They
actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It
takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank,
who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to
the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted".


Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is
in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look
HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks.


CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices
and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulphuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
Sally. I can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.



CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried
about Judge # 3.He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt.
At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If
I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out,
fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's
going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

Only a man would attempt this....‏

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S. - My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

Some Doctors' Embarrassing Medical Exams

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab !' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the
lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the
wrong one.
- Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Big
breaths,'. I instructed. ' Yes, they used to be,'.. .... replied the
patient.
- Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of the family that he had died of a ' massive internal fart.'
- Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. ..... . I asked.
'The patch . . .. the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it! 'I had him quickly undress
and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
- Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked. ' How
long have you been bedridden ?' After a look of complete confusion she
answered . . .' Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
- Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this
morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . ... Bob replied. I then asked
to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
- Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered ..
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that
her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read . . .'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed,
the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said ' Sorry . . .had to mow the lawn.'
- Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing my residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard.
'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .'I wish I was
an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
- Dr. wouldn't submit his name

SERIOUS COMPUTER PROBLEMS (your 2 cents please?)

My laptop computer is dying. I've had a lot of trouble with it over the past year, but it's really, really bad now. I'm surprised that I can even write and post this right now.

We're getting ready to head north in a few days, so I'll be busy cleaning and packing things up, but I'll keep trying to use this thing whenever it lets me.

I'll be shopping for a new laptop as soon as we get back home. Not sure which brand yet, but it MUST have tons of memory for my photos, be fast, have great sound, great picture, a fairly large screen (this old (2006) DELL has a 17.4" screen...and NO, I will NOT buy another DELL...nothing but problems, and horrible, horrible customer service)...and not cost an arm and a leg. Was considering a MAC, but they're expensive (between 1900.00 and 2400.00 for what I want) and technology is moving along SO fast......so, I'm thinking HP or maybe Toshiba? Most people suggest that I'll be happy with HP (Hewlitt-Packard). I would love to hear YOUR opinions and advice!

Thank you ahead of time for your input!
- Mary Ann

NIGHT MARINA (Aransas Pass, Texas)